Name: Noel Thomas Saunders
Birthday: 1st November, 1942
Birthplace: Liverpool, England
How did you first meet your writer?
I met ’er up at Gordon’s pile.
Did you ever think that your life would be written about in a book?
Never in a million years.
What is your favorite scene in Book One?
I fookin’ love the scene where we were being interviewed on telly in L.A. Bloody ’ell that was ace. Thought Gordon was goin' to spurt.
Did you have a hard time convincing your author to write any particular scenes for you?
I tried to get ’er to write a sexy love scene with me and Lizzy, but she wouldn’t do it.
Do you infiltrate your writer’s dreams?
Nah. How the fook would I do that?
What do you like to do when you are not being actively read by someone?
I’m a dad with two daughters, ain’t I? What do you think I’m doing? If I ain’t playing referee then I’m dolin’ out the spends.
If you could rewrite anything in the story, what would it be?
Well, that sexy love scene for one.
Do you like the way Book One ended?
Fooksake, no! That was a dead shitty way to end things, weren’t it? But I reckon any ending you walk away from is a good one.
Do you believe that you are suitable to be portrayed in electronic books, or would you rather be in paperback only?
What the fook ever… I doubt I'm suitable to be portrayed anywhere.
What is the lamest characteristic your writer has attributed to you?
Nothing that I can think of.
If you could give yourself a superpower, what would you choose?
I’d turn base metal into gold.
Are you currently engaged in a relationship?
Aye, with the most gorgeous, glorious woman in the world.
In your relationships, how are you different with family than you are with friends?
Well, with the fam I can sit ’round in me Y-fronts, can't I.
How do you fall in love? At first sight or over a long period?
I’ve fallen in love exactly once in me life, and that was at first sight.
What parts of loving come easy for you? Hard?
It’s easy to love someone if you really love 'em; it’s hard to love someone if you don’t.
How do you decide if you can trust someone? First impressions? Intuition? Do you test the person somehow, or are you just generally disposed to trust or not to trust?
I reckon I ’ave good instincts. Sure, I test people, but more for the fun of it than anything. I don’t half fancy pinnin’ people like specimens. If they’re good at lettin’ me take the piss outta them, and can ’and it back, then they’re alright in my book.
When you walk into a room, what do you notice first?
I dunno. Depends on the room and why I’m goin’ in there.
When you walk into a room, what do you expect people to notice about you?
That I’m a god. Nah, seriously? I don’t give a toss.
Did you turn out the way you expected? The way your parents wanted?
Me parents were always on me about being a lazy sod. Music just wasn’t an option where I came up, but when the money started rollin’ in they changed their tune. As for me, I’ve never had any expectations except to make a few bob, find a good wife and enjoy the time that I’m here.
What really moves you, or touches you to the soul?
Gaw, these questions. What is this, a fookin’ encounter group? I dunno. Me wife and daughters, and Nigel, me chihuahua.
What’s the one thing you have always wanted to do but didn’t, couldn’t, or wouldn’t?
Sleep with Brigitte Bardot. Nah. Nothin’. I’ve done it all. Well, except sleep with Brigitte Bardot.
What would happen if you did it?
Lizzy would have me bollocks in a vise. Mind you, she wouldn’t divorce me, she’d stay and make the rest of me life a livin’ ’ell.
What do you consider to be your greatest strength?
Loyalty, I reckon. And me sense of humour.
What do you consider to be your worst weakness?
I don’t ’ave any.
What is one physical attribute you are proud of?
Me beard, I s'pose.
What’s one physical attribute would you change?
I’d be taller.
What do you consider your special talent?
[Laughs]
What are you most proud of about your life?
Me family and me work.
Describe your ideal mate.
Elizabeth Hayes.
What are you most afraid of?
Being skint. Well, that and fookin’ hurricanes.
What’s the most important thing in your life? What do you value most?
Me fam and friends.
How do you feel about your life right now? What, if anything, would you like to change?
I wouldn’t change a bleedin’ thing.
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